


Claws and Scales

by Aimandfire



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Body Horror, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Isolation, Mutilation, Self-Harm, Self-Mutilation, Snakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:00:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22601365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aimandfire/pseuds/Aimandfire
Summary: Deceit feels like he doesn't belong, that has too different to truly belong. Isolating himself his mind works against him, telling him to take drastic measures to finally belong.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 145





	Claws and Scales

Deceit knew he was hated. No matter what the others said, what they claimed, that he was important, Deceit knew it was lies. Even if they weren't lying to him, they had to be lying to themselves. No one would ever want him. He was horrifying, disgusting, standing for everything Thomas hated. Even if they claimed he was famILY he knew he could never be one of them.

Deceit decided not to burden the others with his presence. He stopped going to meals, secluded himself in his room. Sides didn't have to eat, it just made them feel better, and made their jobs easier. The less Deceit did his job, the better.

Patton was not happy about his "scally son" skipping meals so often. He often came to Deceit's door, with some of that night's dinner on a plate just to make sure he ate. Deceit often pretended to be asleep, a state he was never in anymore. Sure sleep helped the sides, but he could live without it. Even if it made him dizzy and confused it hardly mattered. It was only him, he could handle it.

For awhile Deceit could just not answer the door, and Patton would go away. However the self appointed father figure was getting more persistent. He refused to leave until Deceit opened the door. Once even picking the lock, a skill he must have learned from Logan. Deceit doesn't ignore him anymore.

Speaking of the very friendly devil, Deceit heard the customary knocking on his door around 6 O'clock. Knowing he wouldn't be left alone, Deceit pushed the door open and plastered a fake smile on his face to greet his father.

Patton looked concerned. He smiled, but it was fake. Deceit didn’t need his powers to tell. Patton looked tense, carrying a tray of spaghetti in his hands.

“Good to see you Patton.” Deceit responds curtly, yet not rudley. He refused to be rude to Patton. The father figure didn’t deserve it, least of all from him.

“You look…. Ill. Are you already? Have you been eating my silly little snake” His voice wavers ever so slightly, but still smiles.

“I have” a lie

“Have you been sleeping? I remember Virgel used to have a big problem with not sleeping. It made him so much worse, poor thing.”

“Yes pop-star, I have been sleeping” another lie

Patton’s face lit up at the dad joke, ignoring his earlier concerns. He handed the spaghetti to Deceit with a smile. “Just return the dish when you’re finished. We’re having cake later, and watching frozen soon. You should join us." 

Deceit knew he wasn't going to go even as he opened his mouth. "Sure. I'll be down later." Patton suddenly pulled Deceit into a hug. Deceit froze, not sure whether to return it or push away.

Patton let's go quickly and smiles awkwardly at Deceit’s own unease. “Sorry about that, you don’t like hugs do you?” Patton remarked as he awkwardly left

“I don’t” a lie he says to know one in particular. Deceit’s just not used to them. They’re so warm and loving. He’s not used to it, feels like he doesn’t deserve it. No matter how touch starved he is, he wouldn’t dare ask for anyones attention. Even when they gave it, Deceit didn’t believe he deserved it. Suddenly he felt sick.

Deceit rushed to the bathroom and barley made it to the toilet before puking. It was painful, there wasn’t much to puke, so he dry heaved into the toilet. His throat stung as his hands shook. His entire body felt weak and he had a massive headache, still reminiscing on the contact from Patton.

Deceit splashed some water on his face to try and relax, then looked in the mirror. He looked awful, gaunt with harrsh bags under his human eye. Then it hit him. The reason he was so different, the reason he could never belong to the famILY, not truly at least.

His scales, his hideous yellow scales that marred half his face and his left arm. They were awful, showing him for the liar he is. Forever a signal of how different he is and always would be.

Suddenly he felt angry. Angry at himself, angry at his skin, angry at the dark sides for convincing him he could be good, angry at his emotions, and angry at the famILY for being so perfect in comparison to himself.

With a yell of rage Deceit punched his mirror. The shards impaled his hands, stinging harshly. Suddenly deceit had an idea. A horrible idea, one he wouldn’t even dare think of under normal circumstances, but he was under far too much stress to think of.

Sloppily, Deceit grabbed one of the larger shards and brought it to the left side of his face. He started scraping the scales off. The pain would have been unbearable if adrenalin didn’t kick in, making both his mind and skin completely numb. Soon his face was coated in his own blood, and if he was a bit more aware he would have noticed how dizzy he was getting, and stopped but he was too far gone.

The piece of glass broke, half embedding itself in his face, half of it falling on the floor. Not even skipping a beat Deceit started to claw the scales off himself. Letting out a desperate scream, Deceit’s vision started to turn into a mix of black and red, then stopped, hearing a knock on the door.  
“DeeDee! Dadio sent me to get you!” Remus’s voice rang loud outside his room. Deceit panicked.

“I’m not finished” He hissed loudly, his voice ringing with anger and fear as he started to feel weak.

“Aw Dee, I love projects! Is it a supri-Is that blood?” Remus questoned, his voice taking a slightly higher tone than before.

“Go away. GO AWAY” Deceit yelled as in a panic, feeling his body slump against the counter, resuming his work from earlier, only slower this time with a slight whimper in his voice. Remus didn’t respond and for a second Deceit thought he left. However his door opened quietly with a creak as Remus slowly made the way through his room slowly, stopping in front of the bathroom door.

Deceit panicked when Remus started to open the door. He slammed himself into the door, but let out a howl of pain when his head hit the door, staggering back. Remus threw the door open, and let out a scream at the sight before him.

So. Much. Blood. The sink was covered, the ground was covered with it, the walls were almost completely splattered. Worst of all, Deceit was covered head to toe in his own blood. Remus had never seen anything like it.

Remus’s influence suddenly took hold. With his state Deceit was in no position to fight it. His mind started to race, as he realized what the real problem was. His tongue. His tongue marked him as a liar, forever would. Ignoring Remes’s yelling he grabbed another glass shard and brought it to his mouth, preparing to cut his tongue out as he bled.

Then suddenly Deceit felt arms wrapped around his waist as he was pulled out of the bathroom that was now covered in blood. Deceit let out a grunt and tried to shove the hands off but Remus held on. Realizing he still had the glass he brought it shakly to his mouth to finish the job.

A hand was shoved in his mouth as the arms adjusted themselves around his chest. Deceit howled and bit, doing everything to force Remus to let him go, to no avail.

Deceit suddenly realized that Remus never stopped screaming when the door slammed open and more screams eliminated through the room. Suddenly more hands grabbed at him and overpowered him, throwing him to the ground. Remus on one arm, Roman on the other while Patton pinned his legs down. Deceit tried to push them off but was far too weak. Logan leaned over him to see the damage.

“Deceit lie still. I cannot help you if you won’t stay still.” Logan tried to say calmly, but his voice shook. Deceit struggled against him before Virgel grabbed his face and held him still.

The process was slow. Logan was precise with everything he did, especially with Deceit’s unwillingness to cooperate. He slowly removed the glass shards from his face before using gauze to patch half his face up. By the time Logan got to his left arm and hand Deceit was exhausted and too tired to fight back. He was exhausted and barley registered Roman picking him up from the floor and putting him in the bath. He was numb when Virgel started to take his shirt off and warm water started to pour from the showerhead, and only started coming back to himself as Virgel started to help clean him.

“Why?” Deceit asked quietly, barley loud enough for Virgel to hear.

“Why what?” Vigel asked softly but confused. Deceit turned to him, noticing how Virgel paled at his appearance.

“Why are you helping me? Why did you stop me?” Deceit knew his voice sounded hollow and empty, but didn’t care. Virgel however, looked horrified.

“Deceit… How could you even think that? We love you, all of us.” His voice was shaky, but with odd conviction in his voice. It wasn’t a lie, at least not deliberately.

“I don’t understand. I was fixing everything. I was getting rid of my scales, I was going to finally belong. Why did you stop me?” Deceit asked in confusion.

Virgel froze, but resumed cleaning the blood off Deceit. “You’re not in a good place right now. Let us help you, please.” Deceit was confused but didn’t dare speak as Virgel got the last amount of blood out of his hair and turned the faucet off. 

Virgel helped him up as Deceit realized how dizzy he was and started to fall over. He leaned on Virgel who helped him sit on the floor as Virgel wrapped him in one of his purple robes. It was soft, softer than any of the suits Deceit wore. It was very different from his usual style but it didn’t matter at the moment.

Deceit wanted to curl up and disappear, but Virgel pulled him up. “Come on Deceit, let's get out of here.” Deceit usually wouldn’t accept help from anyone, but he was too tired to care as he leaned on Virgel, who led him into the common room where the others were waiting.

Deceit slumped on the couch, not looking anyone in the eye. The room was deathly silent, the six other sides not sure what to say. However Remus, never one to think much of consequences, decided to speak first. 

“So, DeeDee, our little warm-blooded snake. What’s going on in that usually smart brain of yours? Care to tell? Were all ears!” Remus pointed to his own ears before laying a comforting hand on Deceit, starting all his violent thoughts up again. Yet he refused to speak, just shaking his head and refusing to look up.

Patton moved next, kneeling in front of Deceit with a kind expression on his face. He put his own hand on Deceit’s knee, using his powers to loosen his lips. In his tiredness, Deceit started to speak. 

“Well look at me. I don’t belong here, isn’t it obvious?”

“How so?” Patton asked, digging for more answers.

“My scales, they’re hideous. And my tongue, it’s forked like a snake. You’re all human, I’m a monster. I know it’s not a perfect solution, but I thought it would… Help'' Deceit took in Patton’s devastated look, and immediately felt an emptiness in his heart. “No, it’s fine, don’t worry about it, really it’s fine. I was just trying to fix it, and was just a bit messy, that’s all.” Deceit put on a shakey smile as he clasped his hands together and suddenly felt uncomfortable at everyone who was touching him.

“Deceit….. Your scales are beautiful. You’re beautiful. We love you, we all do. No one wants to see you hurt, and you belong with us. You know that right?” It was all too much.

“Lies…” Deceit whispered, as Patton looked confused.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Patton asked sweetly. Deceit snapped.

“I said LIES! It’s all lies! How could anyone love me? Have you seen me? I’m hideous!” He yelled as he started to claw at his scales again. “My scales are hideous! My tongue is hideous! I should have torn it out first!” Deceit screamed as both Virgel and Remus grabbed his arms to stop him from tearing his skin off.

“Then my eye! That would have to go. And my claws! How can you love someone with such hideous claws? I should have cut them off years ago! THEN you can love me! Then I will belong!” 

“Remus give him to me. You’re making it worse!” Roman yelled. Remus and Virgel let go as Deceit tried to run before being grabbed by Roman and being shoved against his chest.

“Let me go! LET ME GO!” Deceit screamed and thrashed against Roman’s iron grip, then nearly collapsing from exhaustion. He felt himself grow tired as Roman picked him up bridal style and sitting back on the couch. Deceit dug his head into Roman’s chest to avoid looking at anyone else as Roman held tight, scared to let him go.  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” Deceit mumbled quietly, digging even further in Romans chest.

Then, he started to sob. He tried to stop but the tears kept coming, harder than he'd ever cried before. He was vaugly aware of a gentle hand rubbing his back as he was pulled in for a hug. He was aware of Remus's sudden presence next to him. 

Deceit looked up, eyes wet with tears to see the twins clasp hands, them warily look to him.

"Deceit… just stay calm alright. This is gonna feel odd, tell us if it starts to hurt." Roman said quietly, as the twins placed their hands on the gauze wrapped around his face when it suddenly felt warm. Not a bad type of warm, a comfortable temperature. His cold blooded side leaned into their touch, despite his mind yelling to get away. All too soon the hands move away. Deceit lets a whimper and tries to lean into them but the twins are soon replaced with Logan. Not as warm but far more gentle he slowly undid the gauze.

His face felt surprisingly numb but raw as it was suddenly free from its bindings. Unconsciously Deceit started to reach up to touch his face, but Logan reached up before he could.

"That is not a good idea." Logan stated with a slight quiver in his voice.

"Is it…. Scared?" Deceit asked, not sure what he wanted the answer to be.

"No no no no no, Roman and Remus fixed that don't worry" Patton blurted out quickly.

"Then what's the issue?" Deceit asked quietly, tempted to find a mirror to see the issue. Everyone else was quiet, not sure how to respond. Surprisingly it was Virgel who spoke first.

"Dee… your scales are back." His voice was a mere whisper, but it was heard by all.

Deceit tried to pull his hand from Logan but he held fast, and grabbed the other hand for safe measure. "They're hideous, aren't they?" Deceit asked, wearly.

"No no no no no!"

"Falsehood!"

"Absolutely not!"

"No one said that, no ones is thinking that"

"I've seen far worse."

They all shout at once, and it's all too loud. He finally gets his hands free and covers his ears. The others get to the message and quickly quiet down, watching Deceit for a reaction. Slowly he eased up his grip and put his hands on his lap. Logan hesitated, and decided not to grab Deceit's hands, at least not yet.

"So… Why today? What triggered these… Actions today?" Patton asked wearly with a quiet and careful voice. Decrit didn't really have an answer.

"I-I don't know. I th-think it was w-when Patton hugged me." 

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I had no idea touching was that uncomfortable for you! Poor thing. I'm so sorry Deceit!" Patton blurted out, feeling quiet guilty. Roman started to let go and lean back, but Deceit quickly wrapped his arms around him and held.

"No!" He hissed out loudly, clutching Roman tightly. Everyone suddenly stilled, both concerned and confused. Deceit spoke, far softer than before. "It's just… I'm not used to touch. No one really ever touches me, and it felt nice. I thought the scales might be to blame and I…. Acted." Deceit stutters out, ashamed.

Gasps and cries were heard across the room. Deceit suddenly felt another pair of hands wrapping around his form. He realized it was Patton, and also that the father figure was crying.

"Deceit-I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. I I'll should have noticed you were so upset! And you're so cold! You're so pale! I knew you weren't doing well. I should have done more, I should have been more attentive. Deceit I'm so sorry!" sobbed as he held his newest son. Deceit softly sushed and tried to offer comfort.

"It's not your fault, not at all. It's mine alone . ." Deceit said, vaugly aware of Virgil giv.ing him an odd look.

"Deceit… You know you're not exactly in the best position mentally right now. It's not your fault, these things just happen. Think of it like a broken leg. It's no ones fault, but you're still hurt. You need someone to put it in a cast, you need crutches to help you walk. You need your friends to help you heal. It's the same for your mind." Virgil said softly, but firmly.

Without realizing it, Deceit started to cry. It was silent, but noticed. Roman and Patton hugged him tighter, and even Virgil joined in. It was amazing how small he was, and it didn't go unnoticed, especially by the resident genius 

"Deceit, I don't mean to be inappropriate but you are quite thin and pale. Have you been eating?" Logan asked flatly, concerned for his brother.

"It doesn't matter. I don't need to eat" Deceit responded, and everyone froze, realization fawning on them.

"Strickly speaking we biologically do not need food, however thats not quite true. Eventually, like humans, we will start to waste away and lose consciousness for-Well perhaps forever if it gets too bad. That's not including all the other adverse side effects that we will face full force." Logan said matter of factly while the others paled. "Now when was the last time you ate?"

Deceit thought for a moment, not quite sure the answer himself. "Two days ago? Three days ago? I'm not sure. When did Patton make the salad?" He heard his friends suck in their breath.

"Deceit… that was six days ago. You last ate six days ago?" Patton tearfully asked. Hesitating, Deceit eventually noded. Patton let out a gasp, and shot up.

"You poor thing! How could I not have noticed? Were my meals too heavy? I'm so sorry! I'll get you something light, just stay right there!" He blurted out as he ran to the kitchen. Deceit tried to stand up to follow, but Roman held tightly.

"You don't have to do that." Deceit yelled, not wanting to cause a fuss. He was quickly given a friendly glare and shushing from the other four still in the room.

"He'll be out soon enough, don't worry." Virgel reassured, as he placed a blanket over Deceit who suddenly realized how tired he was, curling up against Roman, trying to avoid dozing off. It was Remus who placed a hand on his shoulder in comfort, only this time his thoughts didn't turn violent, only sleepy.

"Get some sleep Dee. We're not going anywhere." An unknown voice commanded softly as Deceit was already slipping away in the comforting arms of his famILY.


End file.
